WTF

So, as i sit here wondering why i am writing on a website rather in a notebook, i guess what i need to figure out is, How can you be with someone for 3.5 years, and still not recieve the trust that i suppose was expected. The only thing i did wrong was tell the truth, the truth hurts, take it or leave it. Do you want me to lie to make you happy? Im not going to live my life based on false statements. The worst part is im torn apart inside. IDK if i did the wrong thing, or if i did the right thing expecting a not so harsh answer. Then you meet someone else that for no reason what-so-ever you just go crazy about. I dont even know enough about the person to know if she is even right for me. I guess the big problem after the break-up is. Do i want a new relationship so soon after the previous ended? NO! This is the time for me to figure out what is most important. To decide what i REALLY want. Why do i have to feel torn apart, but without anything else feel complete. Why am i having the most vivid dreams of this person. Why does it seem that everytime i think about whats on my mind its her? Why do i feel the need to be so worried to be shot down? Why am i so hung up on her with the feeling that there is no mutual feelings at all? If for some reason I get the opportunity with her, i guess im most worried about messing it up. I want to be the everything for her, but all these feelings are just coming wayy to fast. This is how things get destroyed. Its not love...Its infatuation. Its knowing there is someone there that is gorgeous and for no reason i feel like i couldnt live without talking to her. THIS IS CRAZY! Nobody has EVER hit me this hard, and now i sit in my bed, wishing i was sleeping, but writing on a blog to god knows who will read it. I feel quite a bit better getting it off my chest, but for some reason i still feel like i messed up. all well, like i said THIS IS CRAAAAAZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYYY! I need sleep, i need to rationalize the situation. Time is running out to fix whats broken, but the real question is, do i want to fix it? or let it fall? To take a chance on someone? To take a jump off the cliff and hope the parachute works, or at least slows me down to not feel like death. I need to stop this now, until i get another sick stressed out feeling, then ill post again and then hopefully my mind will be straight. Goodnight everybody, hope your day is going better than mine